Verb
(Especially of a separated or un married couple. To share the duties of parenting a child)
Yikes. That sounds so....harsh. But does it have to be that harsh? Not only the whole "separated or un married" part but the SHARE part. To share is something your parents have tried to instill in you since you were a toddler. Let's be honest though who really enjoys to share? Your CHILD at that. But it's fair right?! So it's what you do. Not to mention you want your child to have contact with their dad. More than just contact...a relationship! That's what every kid deserves. A fun, loving, healthy, trusting relationship with each of their parents.
Not that Garrett or I owe anyone an explanation or anything but here it goes...
When these feelings of a lack of feelings first occurred to me I tried to hide them. Kind of push them to the side and just ignore them. I kept thinking to myself "they'll go away...hush hush conscience let me sleep" But they didn't go away. I then started to take it out on him. Why? This isn't his fault! It's not even my fault! It's not a fault at all! It happens. And not over night. Ever heard the saying "sometimes the smallest of things take up the most room in your heart"? That's the T R U T H. Whether they be good or bad things it doesn't matter-they just sit there and occupy space that could be filled with love and happiness. Small stupid things began to pile up and stay.
I've prayed. Pleading for God to give me back the feelings i lost!!!! I've cried (bawled actually). I've tried to make it work. But it hasn't.
I believe that kids are a HUGE blessing! How a person can NOT think that two people creating a human being isn't a miracle is beyond me. I also believe that God hand picks individuals who he trusts to raise one of his most precious gifts. God chose Garrett and I to love and raise and teach and support and care for Presley. And just because we are not together does not change that. Not in the slightest.
I pray every single night that Garrett and I continue to co parent Presley in a way that teaches her what respect is all about. And as hard as this has been I know it's ultimately whats best.
And who knows?? Maybe we will somehow find a way back to each other in the future. I ask that you all please keep us in your prayers. For now though, I will continue to love/respect Garrett for who he is.
Presley's daddy. My friend. ❤️
